things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
