drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
