Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
