I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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