id be glad to
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
