I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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