Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
