why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
