i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
