Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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