The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
