In the future we'll all be gay
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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