Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
