Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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