I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I could fuck to npr.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
