My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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