Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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