I would go down on you faster than GM stock
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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