Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
