remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
