I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
