I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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