She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
