You can't motorboat a personality
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
