so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
