god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
