Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
