I didn't shave. On purpose
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
