I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize