Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Mom said you looked used
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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