I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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