Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
