brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
