Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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