She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
