I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
