I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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