All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
