He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just googled if crying burns calories
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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