i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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