just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
