im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
