I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
