I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
