I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
