anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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