wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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