his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
