i may or may not be watching the land before time
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
