I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
