i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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