Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
