the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
