did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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