if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
