Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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