i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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