Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
