sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
