we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize