I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize