Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
