Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
