but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
