dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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