The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
